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Archive for the ‘ha ha’ Category

haha….. not that i endorse “god”

Posted by lorenda on June 20, 2006

God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,”replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” “Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, “For example, over there I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,” God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?” “Ah,” said God, “That’s Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains and valleys. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance.” God smiled, “There is another Washington…Wait until you see the idiots I put there.”

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haha

Posted by lorenda on May 12, 2006

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says who?

Posted by lorenda on April 30, 2006

As I am writing this the police are knocking on the door. They will find what is left of her in the freezer but all the identifying bits are in my belly.

This should be the last post for this blog as I will be in prison and lorenda is dead. mmuuwwaahhhh

Unless she is resurrected.

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Ya know your an 80’s child…..pt1

Posted by lorenda on February 8, 2006

50. You remember watching ! “Rainbow Bright” and “My Little PonyTales “

51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool… and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”.

54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By the Bell “, the ORIGINAL class.

55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

56. You just sang those words to yourself.

57.You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

58. homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

59. You remember when mullets were cool!

60. You had a mullet!

61. You still sing “We are the World “

62. You tight rolled your jeans.

63. You owned a bannana clip

64. Youremember “Where’s the Beef?

65.. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ about Willis?”

66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

67. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!!!

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113039550425659699

Posted by lorenda on October 26, 2005



wow sorry, its been a damn long time eh? i’ve just been to busy. what with all the changes @ work and just life in general. phew.

not much to say this time, only HAPPY SAMHAIN which is comming up, and i know i’ll be to frickin’ busy wink wink to write here. and because the x-mas season is comming my posts might be a bit sketchy but we’ll see.

well on the funny side i was sent an email with the following, now i have seen this before but if you haven’t, enjoy….

  • Pass My Shotgun
  • Psychotic Mood Shift
  • Perpetual M unching Spree
  • Puffy M id-Section
  • People Make me Sick
  • Provide Me Sweets
  • Pardon My Sobbing
  • Pimples May Surface
  • Pass My Sweatpants
  • Pissy Mood Syndrome
  • Plainly: Men Suck
  • Pack My Stuff
  • Potential Murder Suspect

and as an example of the last one…..

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They’d sit there in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I’m sorry. What was your question?

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