stress?

Whoever said that not working is wonderful only got it half right. Because I’m starting to get a little stressed out. Damn people. If our “employees” did the job we paid them too WE sure as hell wouldn’t have to be doing all the shit ourselves! GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

OK now I’m better. At least for now. I’m really feeling not creative at all. It’s as tho I’ve fallen into some void that sucks all sorts of energy and creates a vacuum out of your spontaneity. Or maybe that’s called winter. Now don’t get me wrong I love winter. But I prefer the cold with snow. Then you can call it winter instead of just FUCKING COLD! Damn sun is deceiving. Looks all pretty and clear and you get outside and your nipples have just cut holes through your shirt & it was a nice shirt too. I think I have an acute case of cabin fever. The walls are really starting to bug me. Not to mention the ceiling and the unfinished projects that abound around here. But the lack of motivation stops them from getting done.

Enough circling. Better quit now before I catch my tail.

fun fun

Not much to say other than New Years was amazing. We went to a place that allows fireworks, as it does not at “home”. and with the drinking and such that went on the video that follows this post will say more than i will be able to with my fingers.

Other than that we got to spend time with our nephew and our neice this past weekend. As they live over the mountians we rarely get to spend significant chunks of time with them. It was lovely and low key. No expectations, beautiful. It was funny tho, we went from having to wear down coats to light jackets. Amazing the difference a major mountian range makes.

Well with the start of a new year i suppose a few resolutions are in order.

• Be motivated
• Procastinate less
• Finish Major Projects ie.. spare room & bathroom
• Take a class ie… metalworking, photography or art
• Make my ass smaller

But i could always resolve to do it next year….

And now without further adiu, the video you have been waiting for with baited breath *cough*

but if that doesn’t work here is the website link… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO_YgPAtX0s

rant

Does anyone else get grumpy when people don’t take care of their animals? Whether it is out right abuse or casual disregard. It always pisses me off. Maybe I’m just expecting too much of people. To love their animals the same way I do. Granted I really love my furry kids but I’m not crazy about it, I think. Fanatical I’m not. But worried I am. Don’t you think that a full sized dog about 10 years old, who is over weight and has major joint problems should go on a diet? At least be put on food that is for older dogs. But he is cast aside. It makes me so angry, he is such a good boy. Loves to go on rides but can’t anymore because of his arthritis. Gods know they can put money out for material things but when it comes to the animals its like they are second class citizens. Suppose I should quit this it only angers me and puts me off for the entire day. GGAAAAAAAAHH!!!!

all hallows approaches

Wow I just realized this month has been terrible for posts. But on the bright side today is Halloween. The cider is brewing, the pumpkins are carved. There is enough candy in this house to give 20 people diabetes. All thats missing is the sand for the luminaries (paper sacks with sand & a candle). Oh and the wisteria needs to be tied back. The clocks hands are moving forward and the air is getting colder ( i can’t belive that to be possible!!) soon the tiny heathens will be pounding on the door. YIPPPEEE!!

bored

ya know i feel kinda bad in the fact that absolutely nothing interesting is going on in my life at all. so i don’t feel that i have anything of worth to spew forth. i am offically boring the hell out of myself. i need to have some order to my day. maybe start working out. getting to bed earlier. finish up the projects around the house that needs to get done. le sigh. well none of that will get done.

Malaise

Well this has been a long uneventful week. I feel as though I am stuck in a rut for some reason. Maybe I need more pets or even a kid to break this monotony. Well that may be a bit drastic.

There are massive fires down in SE Washington. My dad, ever the adventurer, went to help put it out. He will be turning 66 this year. Worry is constant when it comes to my father. Either by him or one of us. Hell I couldn’t even ride my bike on the gravel road by my house until I was 12. Wear any kind of makeup until 13 and then only pinks and no eye liner, mascara, blush or fingernail polish. But that’s a father for you. Damn lucky and grateful to still have him around.

le sigh….

DON’T PANIC is that friendly enough?

well I have a myspace account now. This will still be my main thought page tho. Just look to the side bar over there >>>>>>>>> and I am sure you will see it.

poem?

Well good news. Hypnos granted my wish. Taking the drive really seemed to clear the head, even if the bumps jarred the spine. Able to think and to move without worrying about others and what they may or may not be thinking.

Seen my beautiful home.
The mountains call to me when I am not there
and sing when I am.
Calmness envelops me and I am still.
Able to breathe.
Eyes are able to see
what my mind has created.
my feet feel the dirt, snow
and she welcomes me.

Do you ever have something very clever played out in your head, and then it vanishes when you go to write it down? Like a novel or a short story, even a chapter? It is so frustrating!!!

WTF is wrong with me? Why is the wonder of sleep eluding me from her glorious arms? Or his, depending on your chosen faith.
Big day tomorrow, uh, er… Today. Heading to the mountains. Having some lunch with a great friend up there. And then back down to help her tidy her house before her mom and sister arrive.

It would be really nice if a trek to the mountains wasn’t such a burden to others. At least it seems that way. My husband, friends even my family look at me as tho I have lobsters crawling out me ears if it should be suggested. So why then don’t I have the cahones to go alone? Just go. Be alone with the solitude that being on a mountain top or glen brings? Fear? Lack of gas, abduction, wildlife, accidents, aliens who knows! Maybe its just fear. Of being alone. When one feels alone in their daily lives, why seek it out? But isn’t solitude and aloneness different?

GAAA this is why sleep is important!

yaaaawn

Ya know, its funny what gets put on here and what doesn’t. I’m still trying to figure out what part of my brain decides what the “world” should see. Do I come across as real? or as a person desperately trying to be liked? I feel as though that is how everyday of my life is spent. Desperately trying to be liked. Even writing this now I am wondering which part of me is writing this. The part who is just spillin’ or the part who is always on show. I dunno. Does everybody feel this way? I think that if anyone saw under/past the facade that they would laugh in my face and run screaming.

Have you ever read “Where the heart is” by Billie Letts? I finished it today and there was something that she said that sort of resonated with me. The main character said that she felt like she was playing at being an adult. And I realized this evening that is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Like I’ve been pretending to be this person. Maybe its just the birthday coming up talking or all the changes happening elsewhere in my life.

Just shoot me.

Gack

I think my body is trying to get a bronchial infection. I’m coughing up pretty yellow frothy lung butter. gack. I think I should go have a cigarette. haha. H set up the humidifier last night and I actually slept pretty good.
actually I slept way to long and missed a get together with a friend in need. So I feel like an ass. But hopefully we’ll get together this afternoon, maybe I’ll wiggle her away tonight as I’m going to a beading class this evening with Jessica.
I was ’sposed to go up and visit my folks today. But that’s not going to happen. Tho’ I really need to go up and visit for a day. I’m such a bad daughter.
last night I did something quite momentous. I ….. Shaved my legs! Amazing no? And I painted my toe/finger nails. I know, I know quite girlie. But I was feeling a little frisky.