Circadian rhythm has nothing to do with drums.

uuuuu

Ok. I’ve decided that I must be broken. Or there is some weird cycle at work here that I have yet to divine. Can’t sleep again. This time its all over the place. 2-3 hours interspersed with 10-24 hours of wakefulness then 9-10 hours of sleep. Where is the pattern!?!? Drugs may be the answer. Anybody out there got any??? GAAAAA

Just in case you’ve been under a rock, Halloween is coming. YEA! I’ve got pumpkins to carve & cider to make. It sounds weird but I love running pumpkin guts through my fingers. This time of year makes me so warm & fuzzy. A few of “my kids” are coming over to mutilate the giant orange gourds. I am still uncertain if Samhain will be celebrated in its usual fashion. I’m feeling a little left out and my connection is not as strong this year as it has been in the past. But this year has been strenuous. So I dunno. If anything it’ll be small. I am so conflicted about the whole dang thing. Or maybe I’m just mad at myself for being so blase about it. I should be a little more proactive. But that’s true about everything.

Well bi-polar girl is done with her unintelligent rant. But it had to get out.

poem?

Well good news. Hypnos granted my wish. Taking the drive really seemed to clear the head, even if the bumps jarred the spine. Able to think and to move without worrying about others and what they may or may not be thinking.

Seen my beautiful home.
The mountains call to me when I am not there
and sing when I am.
Calmness envelops me and I am still.
Able to breathe.
Eyes are able to see
what my mind has created.
my feet feel the dirt, snow
and she welcomes me.

Do you ever have something very clever played out in your head, and then it vanishes when you go to write it down? Like a novel or a short story, even a chapter? It is so frustrating!!!

WTF is wrong with me? Why is the wonder of sleep eluding me from her glorious arms? Or his, depending on your chosen faith.
Big day tomorrow, uh, er… Today. Heading to the mountains. Having some lunch with a great friend up there. And then back down to help her tidy her house before her mom and sister arrive.

It would be really nice if a trek to the mountains wasn’t such a burden to others. At least it seems that way. My husband, friends even my family look at me as tho I have lobsters crawling out me ears if it should be suggested. So why then don’t I have the cahones to go alone? Just go. Be alone with the solitude that being on a mountain top or glen brings? Fear? Lack of gas, abduction, wildlife, accidents, aliens who knows! Maybe its just fear. Of being alone. When one feels alone in their daily lives, why seek it out? But isn’t solitude and aloneness different?

GAAA this is why sleep is important!

Bored and can’t sleep

Boy is that a lethal combination. so i visited my old dead journal and found old “quizes” so here are a few that still made me giggle….
go ahead and try ‘em

The Potion Maker
devi isolderium is an opaque, swirling sky blue liquid created from the belly of a tortoise.
Mix with devi isolde! Username:
Yet another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell – the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)

Lust
Take this quiz!

Quizilla
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What swear word are you?

your fuck.
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– What Type of Rocker Are You? –

metalhead
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Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?

schizotypal
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What box do you get put in?

You’re in the Goth box.
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oddness

Ya know, Thursday night I had the most terrible time going to sleep. I kept thinking about “work” and and to keep reminding myself that I didn’t have a work. I don’t know how many times I had to do that. Then when I finally went to sleep I got up at 5:30 am.

Friday and Saturday hubby and I watched our niece and nephew. We went and seen Cars. If you get a chance, even if you don’t have kids, you should go. Its really well done. Major attention to detail. Entertaining and lots of guest appearances, they even do a mini movie montage at the end. Its really cute.

Today we went up in the hills to beat the heat. Had a picnic, played Frisbee and messed around in the water. It was a good day today. But now I smell like a fire and dirt. I need to take another shower. Damn.

Its supposed to be 101 degrees tomorrow and Tuesday. Yecch. Tomorrow I might go up and visit the folks in the afternoon/evening. Dad is coming down for a doctors appt. and he is going to swing down a visit and I think I’ll give him his fathers day gift then.

I figure that the no work thing isn’t going to hit me until either later this week or next week sometime. I don’t know, so I suppose we’ll see.

gah

i have to be up in less than 5 hours and i can’t fuckin’ sleep.

but on the bright side i only have 3 more days of “work”

WHOOO HOOOO!!!

WTF??

Ugh. I went to bed this “morning” at about 2 or 3 and I woke up at 5:30 for NO flippin reason!

I’m on forced vacation for the next 2 days. Because my vacation had been miscalculated and I had thought that I had used it all up . But apparently I still had 3 days left! And this is the last week of the fiscal year so I have to take it or loose it. Not to mention its “merch week” that’s the week that all the heavy lifting for merchandising is done for the month. And you guessed it, I’m in charge. So I had to leave a long list of things for everybody to do for me. And one of the supervisors is out this week due to the aforementioned personal issues. And my direct manager is out also taking her vac and getting some training in. So needless to say were a little shorthanded.

so here I am, awake at a time that no human should be with nothing to do, housework doesn’t count. I think I’ll visit my mom today. Maybe I’ll steal my friends kid and take him up into the mountains for the snow. Go see my nephew. Yea I think that sounds like a good day….

112921471526525491

Well I kinda did it again. I fell asleep on the couch for a coupla hours last night. And by 12:30 I was awake. So I go and play on the ‘puter for a bit then try to go to bed. Repeat several times more. So then I “wake” Scott up and “play”. Then I try to go to sleep again but no luck.

So I tell my hubby that I can’t sleep and I think I am going to go grocery shopping. He says the same, so we go to HELL-Mart. So we wander around hell mart till 4:30 or so when we decide that he has got to get a little sleep before he has to work today. So we get home. I decide that since I am adding a ton of stuff to the freezer anyway I might as well clean it out. So I did. I got two garbage bags full of old shit that needed to go.

Man I hate wasting food. I feel like such a programmed consumer, buy buy buy. But then I have my mom & dad in my head “don’t throw it away, it might be good for something or your gonna need it” my mom has food rotting in her fridge just because she can’t stand to throw things away. Where as Scott, on the other hand, if he has seen it in the fridge for two days he won’t touch it. Convinced that it will make him sick. I think he psych’s himself up to get sick, so therefore he does. I betcha he never ate the ND dirt either.

So to get back to the orginal thread…. I am still awake. I plan on going tanning in a few minutes but then what? My golf clubs are due to arrive today but the Gods only know when I’ll get them.
So it’s a waiting game. I should finish my shopping, fresh foods, but that would require cleaning out the fridge. Gack. So we’ll see, eh.